why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
