I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
pray to the hookup gods
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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