I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
