i already hear my dad disowning me
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Randomize
