Can i not drive my cunt home
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
