i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
