In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
