she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
you made out with another girl for some wings
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
