he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Be still, my beating vagina.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
