Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
