I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
