I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
