the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize