luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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