Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
