He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
