Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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