Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
