Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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