hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
My dick has a subreddit
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
