? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
