Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
