So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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