I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
