Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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