So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
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