Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
