he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
