God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
