i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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