So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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