discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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