you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize