my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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