I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
