I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
