I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
