We're like a lot better than the average bears
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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