Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
