This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Watching her eat just hurts me
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Randomize
