when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
