Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
