It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
