Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
