i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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