shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
