i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
