so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
