Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
