So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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