dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
