i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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