You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
