She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just invented taco cereal.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
