i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
