Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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