I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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