Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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