So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
