New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Dicks are not precious.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
