I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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