meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
