but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
