your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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