Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
