After last night, I could never be a politician.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
