thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
