bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
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