I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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