went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Randomize
