There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
