I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
