True but thats because hes a fetus.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
